TLFN | MEME CONTINUATION POST

[privatepurchases]

IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL | IT'S JUST THE APOCALYPSE

Comments

[sauntered_downward]

I can't believe I'm giving relationship advice to you.

Have you considered asking them out? On a date?

[privatepurchases]

You're not giving me relationship advance. You're buying my goodwill.

/2 I googled the sound of music and I forgot so much about that movie

[privatepurchases]

[sent five minutes later]

Dates. That's like when Liesel snuck out with Rolfe the messenger boy in Sound of Music right? I mean he turned out to be awful so maybe that's a bad example.

Or how the Captain and the postulant behaved?

[sauntered_downward]

Are you referencing something right now?

[privatepurchases]

...Sound of Music.

You've seen it right? great movie.

[Somewhere Beelzebub is screaming and has no idea why]

[sauntered_downward]

If I tell you 'no' do I get to go back to Hell and never have this conversation ever again?

[privatepurchases]

If you say no that's fair.

I'll just go and ask Aziraphale. I know he'll help. You and he are friends. He must know a trick. Something.

[sauntered_downward]

A trick about what? Wooing partners? Because if that's what you're looking for, Aziraphale is not your best. He's charming, but not in the way most would think.

[privatepurchases]

I feel like if I say something insulting him you're probably going to not answer my questions. So I'll only ask - how?

Look the two of you threw everything into this everything is upside down but Beelzebub makes me laugh. They're funny and I

I was asked to lighten up after being given a strike for trying to kill you.

the disgusted icon I have is not enough for what Crowley feels inside

[sauntered_downward]

So you're saying you have feelings for Beelzebub?

Have attempted to provide a substitute below

[privatepurchases]

[Horrified and Disgusted]

Angels don't get to have feelings. Demons don't either. Admit it what humans understand as feelings and what we have as feelings are completely different.

Right?

Do I yes no maybe I have absolutely no idea and no amount of praying has gotten rid of it. There's no point. Eventually we're going to kill each other.We might kill each other before then. Gladly.

A++ thank you for your help friend

[sauntered_downward]

So I'll take that as a yes.

What are you going to do about it? Just kill them? Or...I don't know, do something about it? You could see if they feel the same way.

/ bow

[privatepurchases]

I can't kill them. Considered that. Paperwork wouldn't go through.

It sat on my desk and I tried to file it and then it wouldn't go through

Okay see that's the problem what are you supposed to do like, show up and say "hello there I think you're hysterically funny and it's nice to honestly have someone who understands what it's like to herd millions of celestial cats?"

Fine. It's fucking feelings. It's fucking feelings and Michael is going to insist I have my head examined. I had my corporation examined. It's not that. I'm also not stupid and if I just said "Hello" They'd try and eat my heart and there's paperwork I'd have to go through to get a new body.

How did you two meet?

[sauntered_downward]

Eden. He gave away his sword. I ruined all of mankind. It was basically kismet.

So if you feel this way and you're pretty sure they'd eat your heart, have you tried...I don't know, asking them out? Dinner? Movies? Killing people? That seems like something you both would like a lot.

/1

[privatepurchases]

HE GAVE AWAY HIS

/2

[privatepurchases]

It's fine. It's good. Well that explains a lot. There's technology wandering around somewhere that human beings will never be able to understand-

/3

[privatepurchases]

See I thought of that? But I smite and you guys sort of ooze and slither and it's kind of gross and I can't - like I sat and tried that and no. Just. no.

What if it's a movie about death?

I can sit through that right? I mean I sat through Ben Hur I can totally sit through something with ...murder.

and sin

Totally can.

/FIN

[privatepurchases]

Like something PG-13 rated that's not bad right?

[sauntered_downward]

Just ask them to a movie. They'll tell you what they want to see. You just buy the popcorn, why is this so hard?

Do you think I ever pick the movie? No, Aziraphale picks the movie. It works best that way.

[He won't even mention the sword again though.]

[privatepurchases]

popcorn. You know we just introduced popcorn upstairs. Unbuttered and no salt it's not that bad.

...And you just go along with it? I mean I'd imagine he likes things with lambs and decency and that doesn't seem like your...favorite thing.

[sauntered_downward]

Unbuttered and no salt? Seriously?

[privatepurchases]

yeah. I mean it's incorpreal so I feel fine about it. Still don't would food - all those squishy organs and just...It seems so weird.

Though I'll try a movie.

And I will let you tell Aziraphale but if you tell anyone else I'll tell them and let them do what they want to everyone involved.

[sauntered_downward]

I did tell you I was planning on posting this whole conversation to Snapchat, right?

You're not like Hell, right, you do know what Snapchat is?

[privatepurchases]

...Yes I know what snapchat is. Ours has nicer filters.

Heaven forgive me. I'll go message them and let them know.

[Big scary terrifying asshole eagle on the outside. considerably different on the inside obnoxious all over.]

[sauntered_downward]

You can also buy them flowers. People tend to like that. The gesture, if not the flowers.

[Not sure why Crowley has been authorized to give any relationship advice in this moment but we're accepting it here.]